


The Pink Menace

by Geradsredskittle666



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: ADHD!HawkeyePierce, Angst, Anxiety, Autistic Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Autistic!HawkeyePierce, Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce Whump, Bisexual Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Depression, Humour, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, War related trauma, hawkeye has glitter pens, hawkeye is bad at feelings, hawkeye tells his friends how he feels, letter writing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 23:22:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28875642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Geradsredskittle666/pseuds/Geradsredskittle666
Summary: Hawkeye has glitter pens...and Officier of the Day duty; what could possibly go wrong? Hawkeye writes letters to his friends expressing his true feelings about them. A mix of angst and humour. ADHD!Hawkeye, Autistic!Hawkeye, Neurodivergent!Hawkeye, Autistic!BJ, Neurodivergent!BJ Pairing: Hawkeye/BJ. Warnings: war, depression, anxiety, ptsd, trauma, war related trauma.
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Kudos: 14





	The Pink Menace

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own MASH or any of its property. I make no profit off this work and do not intend to. I write to entertain

There was a strange feeling in the air that morning, it meant trouble. Radar knew it. He should have guessed. Really, since when was Hawkeye already awake in the morning? Since when did Hawk accept officer of the day duty without complaint, or even a groan? 

Radar left the forms in a pile on the desk. He had told Hawk to sign them, who had not even looked up from the novel he was reading, merely waving his hand dismissively. They would probably never get signed, Radar would probably have to forge the signature. 

Inside the office, Radar heard a giggle. Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce was giggling in delight... which _never_ was a good sign. An hour later the forms were back on Radars desk, and signed; Hawkeye had _promised_ as sincerely as he could. Well, that was surely cause for concern but Radar was just thankful that it was done. 

Radar checked everything now and then. Hawkeye was mostly just writing in cards. Which didn’t _seem_ suspicious. But something did catch his eye...was that _coloured_ ink that _sparkled?_! And printed cards!? 

Still Hawk was relatively calm, was actually doing his job and was grinning with barely contained glee...so it _seemed_ like nothing to worry about. 

Hawkeye sat and focused on his task. His teacher friend had sent in a care package, something to do she had wrote. She had instructed him to write to his friends about his _feelings..._ and she would check that he did! He didn’t doubt it. A mix of cards, high quality with amusing sayings. A pack of sparkly gel pens (pink, purple, red, blue, gold, silver and green). Oh, he was going to have _**so**_ much fun with these! 

** Card 1: Radar  **

The card was made of brown card with the phrase “I’d like to keep you, if that’s okay. <3”. 

He carefully looked over his sparkly gel pens and selected the red one. 

‘ _Radar, Radar, Radar…_

_ I don’t think there is a word that describes how I (or we) feel about you. We are quick to praise your efficiency and how smoothly you run things but it often neglected that we consider you a great friend. And even a son. _

_ Fabulously yours, your Aunt Hawkeye’  _

** Card 2: Klinger  **

The card was yellow, a bright yellow like sunflowers with the phrase “I love how weird you are.”. 

He carefully considered his pens...yes, purple. 

‘ _Klinger,_

_ We don’t say it enough but your a loyal friend. We value that friendship. You certainly keep things interesting around here. A distraction from the constant boredom. I know that not everyone appreciates that, but know that I do. Some nights I wonder what dress you will be wearing, or what stunt you will use to try leave camp. I know that I will have a  _

_ reason to laugh tomorrow and I look forward to that. So stay weird. It makes people smile.  _

_ Fabulously yours, Hawkeye’ _

** Card 3: Margaret  **

The card was shaped like a unicorn, it’s mane rainbow and it’s head thrown back as if to say “who, me? Of course I’m fabulous!”.

He selected the pink pen without hesitation. 

‘ _Margaret,_

_ Did you know I’m fabulous? Of course you did, but all jokes aside; you fabulous too!  _

_ I’d even share my tiara with you. Okay, jokes aside for real now. I don’t think anyone has ever told you, or if they did, you were listening to the doubt in your head. But inside, under all that self doubt and fear that you will never be enough for your father; there is a force of nature.  _

_ Our own Mother Nature as were: as nurturing as a mother deer helping its fawn walk on its own yet as fierce as a pride of lionesses protecting its cubs from a predator. A harsh winter and a joyous spring day all in one. You could do anything you put your mind to, I’d never bet against you.  _

_ So the next time you doubt yourself, or some foolish man doubts you; then listen to that wild heart of yours and don’t get discouraged. Give them hell. Show them the Margaret we all know and love (but silently and from a distance).  _

_ Fabulously believing in you, Captain Hawkeye Pierce’. _

** Card 4: Charles Winchester the third **

The card was light blue with the phrase “You did it! Congratulation!” in big gold writing. 

He smiled. Blue. Blue was perfect. 

‘ _Chuck, Chucky...but seriously Charles._

_ I know we pick on you, and you return the favour often enough, but there is never any malice. Mostly just boredom. Besides, your fun.  _

_ And we appreciate your level headed wit more than we say. It’s a different favour of wit, but like sake; it’s something we have grown to appreciate. You will look at this card and think it’s a joke, I know you, but it’s encouragement.  _

_ Being unfamiliar with the concept, you may think it’s a joke.  _

_ But I mean these words sincerely. I won’t speak to your ability as a surgeon, you need to encouragement there. I will speak of your way with your patients. Your gentle softness that no one seems to notice.  _

_ Your always there to listen to thier concerns, always ready to listen with everything you have. You always give honest advice. Always affirming that thier feelings are valid, that maleness is not inherently about being stoic and tough. If these boys make it home, you will have saved them in more ways than mere surgery.  _

_ Yours fabulously Hawkeye.’.  _

** Card 5: Father Malcahy  **

The card showed a tea cup, tea bag submerged, on purple with the phrase “Have a Tea-riffic day!”.

He grinned, picking the pink pen again. It was fast becoming his favourite. 

‘ _Father,_

_ I know I rarely get a chance to chat with you, and to tell you how much I appreciate your work. I could tell you that it’s because I am so busy. While that would be true, it’s no excuse. So let’s have more chats in the future, perhaps over tea.  _

_ I don’t often think about it, but this “police action” might be harder on you than us. You deal in souls, but it seems like you send more men into gods arms than you help the living ones. I can’t imagine how that must feel.  _

_ Perhaps like you have failed. Yet you must not think that way, take it from a surgeon. Losing them is painful and you feel like you should have done more, but we must focus on the ones we saved, the ones we will save.  _

_ At the end of the day, it’s not about your batting average, it’s about the small amount of good we can do in this miserable place, in this miserable war.  _

_ I think keeping score is a human thing, for we keep score so we can compare, so that we can prove we have done enough, earned our prize. We keep score because we don’t think we are good enough. I don’t think a god, if there is one, would think that way. I’ve actually read the good book (believe it or not!); and If god is perfect, then he doesn’t need to keep score. God already knows he is enough.  _

_ And, if you will permit this non believers contribution, if we are made in his image, surely we too must be enough. Even if we are all a work in progress and are not made prefect. I seem to have rambled, and perhaps taken up your job of writing sermons. So I leave you here, to continue our conversation as promised.  _

_ Fabulously yours, Hawkeye.’.  _

** (Last) Card 6: BJ  **

The card showed a pink background with the phrase “of all the humans, I pick you”. 

He picked up the pink pen, yes, this was a favourite. 

‘ _BJ,_

_ what can I say that I haven’t already? I’m not used to writing about my feelings but my friend (you remember, the teacher) is insisting.  _

_ I am conflicted, this war is obscene, and I hate it with everything I have...but I am thankful it brought you to me.  _

_ Our meeting was chance, fate and perhaps would never have been. I am happy I am in this war with you. You are a steadfast rock and I am thankful that are around to keep me sane, or at least sane enough to survive this.  _

_ It is easy for things get intense, for the burden on all our shoulders to become too heavy. For the storm to shroud us in its fog. For the ocean to swallow us whole.  _

_ Having a good friend there to help carry the load, shelter us, guide us to safety and dive in and pull us to shore. I’m glad to have you. You are safety. You are warmth. You hold me, and I hope you never let go.  _

_ When we part, if you say goodbye; then you better mean it because it will surely break my heart, for you are surely its keeper. _

_ Fabulously and faithfully yours, Hawkeye.’.  _

He sealed everything in its envelope and carefully labelled them. “Radar!” He called. 

Radar was already in the office. “Sir?” He asked. 

Hawkeye rolled his eyes, but let it pass. “Deliver these. Do I have anymore duties?” He asked. 

Radar shook his head. “Actually I was just coming in to tell you that, your done for the day. No more work. I’ll see that these get delivered.” He assured. 

“Good, I’ll be in my tent, sleeping after a hard day at the office.” Hawkeye commented dramatically, half joking. 

A week later the phone call came from Icorp. Potter had to ask the Colonel to repeat it. “Are you saying that you have paperwork from the 4077th _signed in glittery pink pen?!_ ” 

“Are you are your feeling okay? I don’t even know anyone in camp with such a pen! You _must_ be joking around?!”

“ _Not joking?!”_

Radar could hear the incredulous tone. He almost laughed at the idea, who would sign official papers with glittery pink pen!? Not even Hawkeye would....then it hit him. Who had been officer of the day a week ago? Who had been playing around with his new glittery pens, of which Radar had a card written in just such a pen? Of course Hawk had! I mean it _was_ amusing, he did feel the urge to giggle, but it was also not funny...well maybe it was funny. 

That was how Hawkeye and BJ ended up in the colonels office, laughing hysterically, much to the annoyance of Potter. Between laughter, Potter tried to maintain order, but it wasn’t to be had. In the end Potter had dismissed them, trying not to smile in amusement. Hawkeye had told anyone who would listen. It was decided that it was actually very funny, and Potter didn’t punish them. If anyone asked, he would cite _“increased morale”_ as the reason. Though he did laugh. By some fate, Hawkeye was never picked as Officer of the day again...for _some_ reason. 


End file.
